He's on the list

Rick drilled today with his Reserve Unit it St Louis. He found out that a list has been issued naming everyone in his unit that will be deploying... and his name is on the list. We've been given the location that they'll be serving at in Iraq. He's being sent to work as a nurse in the ICU. He's bummed - he was really hoping to work in the ER. But I personally think that maybe it's a good thing he'll be in the ICU instead when I think about the things that he'd see in the ER on a daily basis over there. The "barracks" he'll be in are quite old and run down. He'll have a room mate. And he's been told to stock up on flashlights and batteries as the generators go out 5-6 times a night. He'll be leaving for Ft McCoy Wisconsin sometime between March and June (depending on what licenses he needs to renew before deployment and what areas he needs to re-train in) then they're expecting to be boots on ground by June or July - right in the heat of the Iraqi summer. I cannot even imagine.

He asked about his knee surgery again and was told that he has every right to seek military-paid medical treatment (obviously) but as far as the unit is concerned right now, he's deploying with them. He was told by a Dr in his unit that his condition isn't considered severe enough to make him nondeployable without the surgery and that they could even do surgery on him in Iraq possibly. Oh boy. At this point Rick isn't sure if he should keep fighting for this surgery... or just give up and get ready to deploy. And I don't know what to tell him. I'm trying not to freak out - I really am. But I realize there's a VERY good chance that'll he'll be gone in 2 more months.

By the grace of God, I've survived an AWFUL lot in the past few years. He has always provided for every need I've ever had. And yet I can't help but sit here right now and wonder how on earth I'm ever going to survive this... or if I even want to. Isn't that awful? I know that millions of Army wives have sent their husbands off to war before me. And I've been planning and preparing for this day knowing that it would come. I guess I just expected to be feeling geared up, strong, ready for the inevitable. Instead, I just feel so worn down, so confused, so weak right now.

OK, enough ramblings. Once I process all this and wrap my mind around it, I'm sure I'll feel better in the morning. I don't have any other choice, do I. Time to suck it up and drive on.

A Few Favorite Pics from 2006

Joey & The "Tic"

I called the pediatrician this morning and she said that Joey's excessive blinking IS pretty unusual (based on the fact that he has no other symptoms)... but that she thinks it's *most likely* just a "tic". She told me to keep an eye on him (no pun intended) and try to take notice of any "events" that may coincide with the excessive blinking - ie, does he blink more when he's tired, after he's eaten, when he's watching TV, etc... She said that once we're insured again and Joey goes for his 3 yr check up (in Feb) that they'll want to examine him closer then. If he's still blinking like crazy in 2 months they'll want to send him to a neurologist to see if there's anything else going on. Until then, I should just watch him and take note of his blinking unless any other symptoms occur. Thank you for all the prayers!

Out like a tsunami

The old saying for the month of March is "In like a lion, out like a lamb". But for our family, the year 2006 was more like "In Like a Lion, Out Like a Tsunami!"

I look at what we've "survived" this past year and I can't even begin to describe the feelings I have - amazement, pain, grattitude, humility. In some ways I can't believe we survived so much in one year. In other ways, I know how GIGANTIC and MIGHTY our God is and I'm not surprised at all. With Him ALL things are possible. I guess we just don't expect to go through "ALL things" in one year! :>)

I say that 2006 is "out like a tsunami" because the closer we come to the end of this year, the harder the rain falls, the quicker it rises, and the faster is seems to be spinning us out of control. Right now we are in St Louis. We came up here to spend a week with our families for Christmas. We've been here almost 2 weeks so far with who- knows-how-many more days to come. Rick is now officially off of his "Active Duty" orders. His paperwork is messed up. Nobody knows what to do with him. He still needs knee surgery. And the Army is "shut down" for Christmas Exodus until 3 January. So, there isn't anything that he can do right now but hurry up and wait. At this point, we are out of money, out of time and out of ideas. I'll spare you the details, but there has been alot of confusion dealing with all of this. So many options - and yet, we don't know which ones we CAN take, much less which one God WANTS us to take.

While it feels like our world is crashing down on us, God has been so faithful. He always is. The other night I reached an all time self "low", if you will. I'd had a miserable Christmas and a miserable day following. I didn't want to talk to anybody. I was mad at our situation, mad at my husband, mad at the world. I couldn't even pray. Rick suggested that I call my friend Colleen - he knows she's been a wonderful mentor to me, and I told him that I couldn't call her because I knew she'd pray with me over the phone and I didn't want that! I wanted to pray to God. I wanted to cry out to Him, but I just couldn't. My husband, realizing that this was definitely a HUGE problem wrapped his arm around me and began to pray. I know that most of you don't know Rick all that well, so let me just tell you that I don't remember the last time that I heard him pray without being asked to first. He held me and he prayed to God for help and wisdom and direction. And I heard him say the words that I'd been praying he'd pray for months. He said, "God, I don't know what to do. But if you'll just give me some idea of where you want us to go, I won't hesitate to follow you." (Yes, I'm crying AGAIN as I'm typing this.) Hearing my husband pray those words was worth going through everything that we've gone through this whole year.

Most of you know that I've been very excited and humbled to be a part of bringing Women At Rest Ministries to the state of Missouri. I realize that what God is bringing us through right now will only strengthen my role as a leader in this ministry. God has big plans for Rick and I - individually and as a family. I know that. And I feel that something really HUGE is just around the corner. I'm praying that even tho we are incredibly desperate financially right now that God will make HIS chosen position for Rick quite clear. I don't want Rick to take just any job that will pay the bills. I want him to be right where God wants him to be. I just know that God has something lined up. I'm excited to see what it will be.

Please keep us in your prayers. We've had to ask for help to cover some of our upcoming bills and we are so greatful for the help that we've received. But we don't want to be asking for help. We're ready to step out on faith and go/do whatever it is that God is calling us for. Please pray that He will show us soon what/when/where that is supposed to be.

Also, please keep Joey in your prayers. He's been blinking an unusual amount since Christmas Eve. I don't know if something is wrong with his eyes. He just constantly blinks all day. We don't have insurance right now so I can't take him in to a doctor. He doesn't seem to be having problems seeing and he's not in any pain. So please pray that this will pass quickly without any problems. Pray that we all stay healthy until Rick gains employment again.

Ho Ho Hooah

Rick's signed in today at his Reserve Unit in St Louis. Poor guy - they just looked at him like "why are you here???" They were shocked and appaulled, really, that he was released from Active Duty while still requiring surgery. The Sgt in Alexandria VA that he has to work with was furious that he was released from his orders and she's told Richard that she's going to get to the bottom of this. Because of the paperwork and computer systems, he is no longer getting paid but they're hoping to rectify that, too. There's alot of paperwork that needs to be done and no one seems to know how to do any of it. Please pray with us that God will orchestrate this as only God can do.

Some Prayer Requests

Rick's last day on Active Duty orders was yesterday. So, essentially... he is now unemployed.He is working part time with our local volunteer fire dept but he'll only get paid once a quarter... so that's not exactly helpful. But I know God has SOMETHING bigger in store and we just need to be patient and wait for it. It's hard to be patient, tho, when you know that in two weeks you're going to have a stack of bills to pay. Please just pray that the right job opportunity will come up for Rick. He deploys in the spring, so he just needs something for the next few months.

ALSO... I had some blood work drawn earlier this week while we still had insurance. I'm always a little concerned at what the results will be. Lupus is always changing and its kinda scarey sometimes... especially when you start noticing new symptoms. But last night I had a dream that my hair was falling out in huge chunks and that when the hair came out, all of a sudden these beautiful butterfly charms appeared in the handful of hair. It's very strange, I know - but it made sense in my dream. The dream left me feeling very uneasy, tho. 'Cause even in the dream I knew that I was waiting for test results. And in the dream I looked at these butterflies and I thought about Rick's grandma who passed away 2 years ago - she adored butterflies. So, yeah... the dream left me feeling very wierd. I don't even want to tell Rick about it. It might freak him out and he has enough stress to deal with right now.So, I said all that to say this - please pray that the blood work results won't be anything huge and scarey. And if they are, pray that God will give me the grace and strength to handle it. My husband and my kids need me right now.

My husband, the FIRE FIGHTER??????

Rick went to the St Robert Fire Dept today to volunteer. He knows a couple guys that drive an ambulance on post and are volunteer fire fighter/ paramedics for St Robert. So he went up there today and talked to them and was basically hired on the spot. He'll get paid (a little) for each call he responds to. And they will put him through all of the training to be a nationally certified firefighter. The whole reason Rick joined the Army was to get his EMT license so he could find a fire dept to hire him on and send him through the Acadamey. The Fire Acadamey is way too expensive for us to even consider paying on our own. His dad is a (retired) fire fighter and that has always been his dream, too. Then the Army Bug bit him and he started going his own route.

So... he's looking at volunteering with St Robert until he leaves for Iraq. And then by the time he gets home from Iraq, they're wanting to be a fully paid fire dept and told him that since he's already a volunteer, he'd be first pick to hire on full time. And he can re-up and continue being an army reservist. I don't know what the long-term big picture looks like for us right now. Fire fighter? Soldier? Both? I don't know and I really don't care. I just want to be together as a family and together, to be in God's will.

I'm not saying that it will DEFINITELY happen this way. But such an amazing peace AND excitement rushed over me. The Army told us that Rick would be here for 3-6 months MAX... and here we are looking at making this long term!

It's an exciting twist and turn in the saga of our lives!