He's on the list

Rick drilled today with his Reserve Unit it St Louis. He found out that a list has been issued naming everyone in his unit that will be deploying... and his name is on the list. We've been given the location that they'll be serving at in Iraq. He's being sent to work as a nurse in the ICU. He's bummed - he was really hoping to work in the ER. But I personally think that maybe it's a good thing he'll be in the ICU instead when I think about the things that he'd see in the ER on a daily basis over there. The "barracks" he'll be in are quite old and run down. He'll have a room mate. And he's been told to stock up on flashlights and batteries as the generators go out 5-6 times a night. He'll be leaving for Ft McCoy Wisconsin sometime between March and June (depending on what licenses he needs to renew before deployment and what areas he needs to re-train in) then they're expecting to be boots on ground by June or July - right in the heat of the Iraqi summer. I cannot even imagine.

He asked about his knee surgery again and was told that he has every right to seek military-paid medical treatment (obviously) but as far as the unit is concerned right now, he's deploying with them. He was told by a Dr in his unit that his condition isn't considered severe enough to make him nondeployable without the surgery and that they could even do surgery on him in Iraq possibly. Oh boy. At this point Rick isn't sure if he should keep fighting for this surgery... or just give up and get ready to deploy. And I don't know what to tell him. I'm trying not to freak out - I really am. But I realize there's a VERY good chance that'll he'll be gone in 2 more months.

By the grace of God, I've survived an AWFUL lot in the past few years. He has always provided for every need I've ever had. And yet I can't help but sit here right now and wonder how on earth I'm ever going to survive this... or if I even want to. Isn't that awful? I know that millions of Army wives have sent their husbands off to war before me. And I've been planning and preparing for this day knowing that it would come. I guess I just expected to be feeling geared up, strong, ready for the inevitable. Instead, I just feel so worn down, so confused, so weak right now.

OK, enough ramblings. Once I process all this and wrap my mind around it, I'm sure I'll feel better in the morning. I don't have any other choice, do I. Time to suck it up and drive on.