Rick and I have enjoyed a WONDERFUL week together this past week while my parents were gracious enough to keep them in St Louis. Rick will be deploying next month... I can hardly believe that time is so close, now. So, we took a week all to ourselves. And it has been WONDERFUL!! We've slept in. We stayed out late. We felt like we were newlyweds all over again. Everyone teased us we were on our honeymoon. We enjoyed Valentine's Day all by ourselves... which we've NEVER done.
Friday night my wonderful husband took me to the Spouse Appreciation Valentine's Dinner for the St Robert Fire Dept. I really enjoyed meeting the guys that he works with, I learned how to play a new card game, and I even sang Karaoke!!! Earlier that day, Rick drug me along with him to the garage on post to help him install strobe lights into the van (so he can run code when there's a fire). I think that was paybacks because on Thursday night I drug him along with me to the Commissary's Moonlight Madness sale. Let's just say we're even! ha ha
Yesterday morning Rick left for a fire around 3am and didn't return home until 1130 am. Someone in Waynesville decided to keep their puppy warm by plugging in a space heater outside under their front porch... with a pile of straw. Needless to say, they lost the entire house. Rick drove me back by the house yesterday and the walls weren't even left. He drove me around to 2 other fires that he's been to this year and I was AMAZED at the man that I've married. He said, "See that hole in the roof? That's where I was. I chopped that hole into the roof and dropped water on the house from there." You have no idea how proud I was... and then the bottom of my stomach dropped out as I looked around that hole in the roof and saw that there wasnt much left to hold that roof up... and what WAS left was mostly burned up. It is an amazing mix of pride and terror that comes with being in love with a hero. I guess I should get used to this feeling because I know my husband was born to be a hero. Many more heroic acts will come from this man's life... and many of them will be happening soon as he deploys.
Tomorrow we will go to St Louis to get the kids... and the honeymoon will be over, as they say. That's ok. I have had enough wonderful memories made this week to push me forward as we face this deployment.
18 February, 2007
19 January, 2007
Rick's first fires
Here is a link to our newspaper's article about some of the recent fires we've had in the area following the ice storm. There's two pictures of house fires that Rick was at. I just don't know if he's one of the guys in the picture or not.
http://www.waynesvilledailyguide.com/articles/2007/01/18/news/news01.txt
On Wednesday he left at 4am and didn't make it back until almost 4pm. They went from one fire to the next to the next without even going back to the station in between calls. It was his first day actually fighting fires and they had him up on the ice-covered roof at one home with an axe, punching a hole in it and dropping the hose in.
Last night he responded to another call and this morning he is out again.
My husband, my soldier, my fire-fighter, my medic, my nurse, my hero!
Correction: Rick just got home and looked at these photos. In the top photo he's the man on the left, holding the hose! WOO HOO! GO RICK!
15 January, 2007
Our ICE STORM
This picture was taken out of Mira's bedroom window. You can't really tell from the photo... but those two branches are actually leaning up against the window. We're EXTREMELY greatful that these two branches didn't go THROUGH her window.... that window is already cracked from the fire we had almost a year ago. Since this picture was taken yesterday morning, we have had more limbs fall in the yard and our propane tank is completely covered by branches. They have crushed our neighbors new fence and landed on his new shed(from after the fire).
Our bush
You can see that this bush started to bloom... before it froze. The morning the ice storm started, it was 60 degrees. It dropped 40 degrees in one day. Gotta love Missouri!
Our driveway
Even more trees have fallen into our driveway since I took this picture. We have at least 3 more 30ft branches down next to these.
08 January, 2007
He's Holding Me
Saturday night after I sent out that email I went and laid down on my bed and literally cried out to God. I don't even remember what all I said to him but I almost fell asleep laying there like a little girl sobbing, "Please just hold me, please just hold me, please just hold me." I thought of that image that I often picture in my mind of the mighty hands of God holding a tiny little girl as she sleeps. That was me Saturday night. I promised God that I wouldn't run. I wouldn't fight. I wouldn't even get mad (because I'm really not mad at God at all). I just asked Him to hold me. And you know what... I know that He will.
I realized yesterday morning that every feeling and emotion that I had right then was actually pretty selfish. I wasn't worried about Rick's safety at all really. I mean, I know the dangers. But it's not HIS safety that worried me. I was worried about myself and how I'm going to cope and how I'm going to help the kids cope. And more than anything I just don't WANT to do this right now. I don't want to be a single mom again. I don't want to be apart from Rick for 3 Valentine's Days, 2 birthdays, 2 anniversaries, 2 Christmases and all of the kids birthdays. We're going to be apart on our 30th birthdays AND our 10 year wedding anniversary. And I don't want him to be gone!! THAT's why I was crying and I know that's really selfish when you step back and look at the big picture. Men are dying over there and I'm worried about not blowing out our candles together on our 30th birthdays.
The silliest part of all this is that I've allowed myself to get all worked up and I don't even know for sure that this is going to happen. I mean, God has done bigger and better things before. He could have an entirely different plan for us. Maybe this is just a test to see where my faith is. Maybe this is jus Satan trying to distract me. Maybe it's any number of other things. I mean, this IS THE ARMY we're talking about. Nothing is certain until it happens. Rick says that I'm in denial, tho. And it's silly. Because I've been preparing for this for MONTHS. I've been planning on this happening and I even knew a time frame. But for some reason I just never felt like it was going to actually happen.
I'm really not proud of myself for the way I initially handled this at all. I'm a little disappointed that I've completely fallen apart the way I have the last few weeks in general. I laid there crying Sat night thinking, "You really look like someone in a leadership position in a women's ministry! HA!" But then later I realized that was just Satan messing with me. I know we all go through things that make us feel like we're spiralling out of control. We're human. I'm just a little more open than most people are. Rick and I are complete opposites. I never know what he's feeling or wht he's thinking. But me? I'm an open book. I'll tell you how I feel, why I feel it and what I want done about it!
I cannot begin to even put into words what God has done with my life in the past 36 hours. I feel like a new person. I feel stronger than I've ever felt, even tho this may be one of my weakest moments. I feel Christ's strength in me, not my own. I feel charged up and ready and I almost wish that Rick was leaving tomorrow because I'm so ready to face this deployment!! (I'd rather face it now while I'm geared up instead of waiting another few months! ha ha) I was right - words cannot adequately say what I'm feeling. So, please just know that your prayers of intercession were heard. God is ALIVE and through Him, so am I!!! I'm not a victim of deployment. I'm not a victim of fear. I'm not a victim of Satan or anything that he schemes. I am alive for such a time as this and I am making it my personal mission to glean everything from this experience that God wants me to glean. This deployment, these next 2 years, are my testimony. They are another chapter of my life that God has given me for a purpose and I will not make the mistakes that I've made in the past. I will not check out of my own life, waiting for the trial to be over. In the Message, James 1:2-4 says "Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way." I know that these next two years are going to be painfully hard. They are going to hurt. And I'm going to want them to be over soooooooo fast. But going into this, my prayer is that God will find me on my knees at His throne every single day... not trying to get out of anything prematurely, but instead accepting my life for what it is and for what it brings and offering it back to Him so that He can make me mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.
Right now, I have to really wonder what HUGE things God has planned for my future. I'm only 28 years old. I've been diagnosed with 3 serious diseases - one of them was removed by a miracle directly from the hand of God. I was told that I would die if I did not abort my baby and that even then I only had a 50% chance of living... and now that 6-1/2 year old red-headed baby girl is asleep in my bed since daddy's out of town. My husband told me that he didn't love me anymore and that he wanted a divorce. And just a few nights ago that wonderful man wrapped his arms around me and prayed for me in a way that still moves me to tears. Rick has suffered through many medical problems in the past 2 years. And now in a few months that man will be going to save the lives of his fellow soldiers. I've moved 8 times in 8 years and I've never left the state of Missouri. I've lived in a sun porch. I've lived in one bedroom with all 5 members of my family, and I've lived without my husband for 2-1/2 years. I've gone an entire pregnancy with my husband gone, while raising 2 toddlers on my own. And I've given birth while Rick's gone and checked myself out of the hospital after 24 hours just in time to drive to the airport to pick him up. TELL ME that God doesn't have SOMETHING HUGE in store for my life! I used to be anxious and just wishing He'd hurry up and get me to whatever BIG thing it is that He has coming. But now... I'm starting to enjoy the ride. If NOTHING ELSE, He's giving me great material for that book that I'm going to have to write someday! hee hee
I realized yesterday morning that every feeling and emotion that I had right then was actually pretty selfish. I wasn't worried about Rick's safety at all really. I mean, I know the dangers. But it's not HIS safety that worried me. I was worried about myself and how I'm going to cope and how I'm going to help the kids cope. And more than anything I just don't WANT to do this right now. I don't want to be a single mom again. I don't want to be apart from Rick for 3 Valentine's Days, 2 birthdays, 2 anniversaries, 2 Christmases and all of the kids birthdays. We're going to be apart on our 30th birthdays AND our 10 year wedding anniversary. And I don't want him to be gone!! THAT's why I was crying and I know that's really selfish when you step back and look at the big picture. Men are dying over there and I'm worried about not blowing out our candles together on our 30th birthdays.
The silliest part of all this is that I've allowed myself to get all worked up and I don't even know for sure that this is going to happen. I mean, God has done bigger and better things before. He could have an entirely different plan for us. Maybe this is just a test to see where my faith is. Maybe this is jus Satan trying to distract me. Maybe it's any number of other things. I mean, this IS THE ARMY we're talking about. Nothing is certain until it happens. Rick says that I'm in denial, tho. And it's silly. Because I've been preparing for this for MONTHS. I've been planning on this happening and I even knew a time frame. But for some reason I just never felt like it was going to actually happen.
I'm really not proud of myself for the way I initially handled this at all. I'm a little disappointed that I've completely fallen apart the way I have the last few weeks in general. I laid there crying Sat night thinking, "You really look like someone in a leadership position in a women's ministry! HA!" But then later I realized that was just Satan messing with me. I know we all go through things that make us feel like we're spiralling out of control. We're human. I'm just a little more open than most people are. Rick and I are complete opposites. I never know what he's feeling or wht he's thinking. But me? I'm an open book. I'll tell you how I feel, why I feel it and what I want done about it!
I cannot begin to even put into words what God has done with my life in the past 36 hours. I feel like a new person. I feel stronger than I've ever felt, even tho this may be one of my weakest moments. I feel Christ's strength in me, not my own. I feel charged up and ready and I almost wish that Rick was leaving tomorrow because I'm so ready to face this deployment!! (I'd rather face it now while I'm geared up instead of waiting another few months! ha ha) I was right - words cannot adequately say what I'm feeling. So, please just know that your prayers of intercession were heard. God is ALIVE and through Him, so am I!!! I'm not a victim of deployment. I'm not a victim of fear. I'm not a victim of Satan or anything that he schemes. I am alive for such a time as this and I am making it my personal mission to glean everything from this experience that God wants me to glean. This deployment, these next 2 years, are my testimony. They are another chapter of my life that God has given me for a purpose and I will not make the mistakes that I've made in the past. I will not check out of my own life, waiting for the trial to be over. In the Message, James 1:2-4 says "Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way." I know that these next two years are going to be painfully hard. They are going to hurt. And I'm going to want them to be over soooooooo fast. But going into this, my prayer is that God will find me on my knees at His throne every single day... not trying to get out of anything prematurely, but instead accepting my life for what it is and for what it brings and offering it back to Him so that He can make me mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.
Right now, I have to really wonder what HUGE things God has planned for my future. I'm only 28 years old. I've been diagnosed with 3 serious diseases - one of them was removed by a miracle directly from the hand of God. I was told that I would die if I did not abort my baby and that even then I only had a 50% chance of living... and now that 6-1/2 year old red-headed baby girl is asleep in my bed since daddy's out of town. My husband told me that he didn't love me anymore and that he wanted a divorce. And just a few nights ago that wonderful man wrapped his arms around me and prayed for me in a way that still moves me to tears. Rick has suffered through many medical problems in the past 2 years. And now in a few months that man will be going to save the lives of his fellow soldiers. I've moved 8 times in 8 years and I've never left the state of Missouri. I've lived in a sun porch. I've lived in one bedroom with all 5 members of my family, and I've lived without my husband for 2-1/2 years. I've gone an entire pregnancy with my husband gone, while raising 2 toddlers on my own. And I've given birth while Rick's gone and checked myself out of the hospital after 24 hours just in time to drive to the airport to pick him up. TELL ME that God doesn't have SOMETHING HUGE in store for my life! I used to be anxious and just wishing He'd hurry up and get me to whatever BIG thing it is that He has coming. But now... I'm starting to enjoy the ride. If NOTHING ELSE, He's giving me great material for that book that I'm going to have to write someday! hee hee
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